So far the contingency set by my thesis chair (see this post) has really helped me to stay motivated to work on my thesis and meet deadlines. Today I have rearranged my training schedule a little because a)I am working for about 15 hrs today, and b) every part of my body, including my brain, is tired.
Anyway, I am at work right now thinking about how I need to “earn” about 2.5 to 3hrs worth of running today and tomorrow to stay on track. But I don’t want to move, I don’t want to think, I don’t even feel like talking (which, if you know me, is very strange).
I don’t think I am overtrained, I think I am just truly tired. I haven’t gotten enough sleep since the semester started and my free time at home doesn’t exist. Well, I try to plan for some, but I usually waste it doing something stupid like rearranging junk or channel surfing mindlessly.
Anyway, as I sit here, thinking about how I have the opportunity to do school work or thesis edits now, so I should because then I will be able to run tomorrow, my reaction is one of resentment. Training for the Boston Marathon for me is my outlet for stress, it provides me with a sense of ease, it helps my concentration on other things, it helps me to fall asleep at night, it makes my colitis symptoms more manageable, it makes me feel connected to some highly focused and successful people….the list could go on. I would venture to say that most of my peers, and heck, most people in general, derive these same things from going out to bars a couple times per week, or from partying on weekends, from having all sorts of regular social plans.
I have chosen to forego a vibrant social life in exchange for structured training because, well, I tend to be more productive and less anxious that way. I like people, a lot. But this is just what is working for me right now, and today, I feel rather entitled to it.
**I just got interrupted for a few minutes and realize that having typed this out. I feel much better, and I even feel like studying.