I have gotten in all my training runs so far this week, but it feels like I have accomplished zero else. And yet, I am exhausted. I was really frustrated last night, and in one of my less proud moments, I broke my kitchen garbage bin by being too rough with it.
I then went and laid down. It’s funny, because typically when you become suddenly and completely overwhelmed, there are tears. Or words. Nope. None.
I was feeling resentful of the resistance we (crisis team members) constantly get from the people we try to help (I don’t mean the individuals with DD/MI, I mean the people who work with them, and help make decisions for them). I was also feeling disappointed with myself for not getting more done each day at work, for eating lots of crappy snacks, and for not getting my weight lifting sesisons in, I was also sulking because I was looking forward to getting to at least one yoga class this week, and it just wasn’t working out.
In a near perfect illustration of why Jorge (my boyfriend extraodinaire) is so great: after I had been curled up with the dogs for a while, he came in, laid down, and said “You had a meltdown, that’s ok, let’s eat dinner” I think I said something like “I am overwhelmed, that garbage can sucks.” To which he replied “we’ll get one with a foot lever this weekend.” He could totally join the crisis team. De-escalated? Check. Re-directed? Check.
So we ate some dinner and I went to bed soon after. I struggled to get up this morning (5am), I felt genuinely hung-over nearly all day today! I really wonder if my little event last night was a bizarre type of panic attack. But, get up I did, and I ran 6 miles before the sun came up. Six. SLOW. Miles. I focused on accepting the slow pace the entire time. I also entertained myself by concocting totally fictional scenarios wherein I delivered well-timed, metered, intelligent, and undeniably RIGHT speeches to various ignorant, arrogant, and otherwise belligerently misguided folks I have encountered in the last year. I wish I could say it was a stress-relieving exercise in mindfullness. It was actually rather stress inducing.
I guess I am not in the healthiest place right now.
Hopefully it will pass, quickly.
Also, strangely, I had a really hard time putting together an outfit this morning. But, eh, if people can wear jeans and hoodies to work on Fridays, then I can dress like a third grader if I want to.
You might also notice that I forgot to brush my hair today, had 3 cups of coffee, have completely given up on makeup, and have a very organized and calm work cube. (Also, I just noticed that there is a hole in that dress. Awesome)
The good news is that I get to play with my Garmin for a whole 12 miles tomorrow morning.
Right now, I would love to down an entire pizza, my saving grace is that Jorge is a super-clean eater.